They asked, "What do you want to do for Mother's Day?"

...and I said I wanted to go to the castle at Ha Ha Tonka State Park. It's been on my list of things to see for years.

What a lovely weekend with my family.

It was perfect!

Thinking Out Loud About Blog Direction: Unschooling, and Life

So the hubby asked if he should take this blog off his to-read list and I said, "No. Not yet. There's still a lot of stuff bubbling around inside my head and who knows when I will decide I need a spot to put it. Yet, I recognize that my track record has been so poor, of late, that I've pretty much lost what readership I may have once had.

I've been thinking that perhaps it's time to turn the talk here back to unschooling... or raising kids and family life and personal reflections, like back in the olden days.

I started this blog in 2005, primarily as a writing blog, but quickly realized I had more I wanted to talk about so I broadened my scope. Even during my quiet periods, I've been reluctant to give up blogging all together. I think partly because so often I have regretted that I took down my original blog (called an online journal back then) from the late 1990s. Then partly, as well, because I grow frustrated with the lack of control regarding format and storage of information on Facebook. Now that I've most definitely moved my writing thoughts elsewhere, I am left mulling over where "Inside My Head" belongs in the grand scheme of things.

Rather than mull silently, I might as well share.

Here, I let my mind wander...

My children are now ages 17 (I just had to ask her to confirm that), 14, and 12. These sound like awfully big numbers to me. This means that it was 12 years ago that I did not put my first child on the big yellow school bus. I remember thinking, at that time, that I was fairly certain I was doing the right thing. Three or four years earlier I had reluctantly agreed to give homeschooling a try when it was time to send her off to kindergarten. She was about 3 when I discovered the term unschooling. I was following my gut, but also reading voraciously and engaging with total strangers in some of the most powerful, thought provoking and eye opening conversations I have been a part of my entire life.

I wrote a lot about my life with children when the kids were little. In many ways, I was documenting the details I've always been fearful would escape me. It was really no more than a continuation of habit I've pretty much had for as long as I've been able to hold a pencil, the narration of my own life. But as well, I was making a record for myself, proof that unschooling worked, perhaps, or evidence I could turn to when I came up against doubts.

Then at some point I stopped writing... or stopped sharing it, for better or worse. Overcome with shyness, perhaps, as I was introducing myself to my new community. A struggle with a bit of depression, more accurately, as I succumbed to physical roadblocks and faced the reality of my mortality. But the learning never stopped and the belief in my children and in what they were capable of never stopped growing.

In the years since I became a mother I have spent tremendous energy exploring and connecting the dots in my world, and along the way these three children of mine have become my greatest allies, my co-conspirators on this journey we call life. No longer was I testing a method of educating them, we were simply living and learning and making mistakes and celebrating successes. We were learning from each other and learning apart, and at some point I must have realized I was no longer worried about screwing things up and wishing I had done it differently. I did it exactly right, even in all the times I ended up doing it wrong. I freed myself from the bonds of traditional thinking and action, initially with regard to educating children, and it grew to be so much more than that.

Sometimes I feel as if I am still in the act of falling into something special, enabling and powerful. Most often, I feel how this way of living has become habit. It's simply the way I look at things. It's the assumptions I make about the nature of people, young and old, and how open I have come to the belief that anything is possible. When I forget this, my children are pretty good at reminding me, often through a simple act or comment that they wouldn't even note as important.

A friend recently asked me what my daughter was going to do once she graduates. I simply shrugged and said I honestly have no idea, and I know enough by now to know that it's okay. How to explain that "graduation" is a concept that really doesn't even fit our plans? Yet she is designing her graduation announcement with her own blend of wit and sarcasm thrown in, and we've spent some time brainstorming her "I'm headed out into the world" party... or not... for lack of a better term for it. She is defining her future right now and has been, and I expect she will be for many years to come. I've never been in a hurry for her to grow up and leave the nest, and I don't really expect her to slip into traditional roles that children play when she's been free of them all her life. We talk a lot about what is happening to her age-mates in public schools. We've adopted terminology over the years to help answer questions that are inevitably sometimes asked. Sometimes we use it, and sometimes we are content to shrug and simply say it doesn't apply.

I don't know that I understand any more about raising (or certainly educating) children today than I did 17 years ago when I was only just beginning. I do know that trust in yourself and trust in them is the biggest part of the puzzle. I also know that whatever you figure out with kid #1, is likely to befuddle you again when the second kid comes along. I know I am going to continue to make mistakes and so are they. I know we will learn from most of them, and some we will simply try to put behind us. I know the success and joy we experience are going to far outweigh any stumbles.

Sometimes I am still baffled that not every family chooses to live this way. Sometimes I meet someone who seems to tackle it all -- the job, the parenting, the schoolhouse, the world -- in such an impressive way that I wonder, for a moment, if I and my family might have been one of them. My children don't share these doubts. I have asked, and they have answered. Yet I ask again, and they assure me if they change their minds and want to try something more traditional, they will certainly speak up and let me know. Of that, I have no doubts. My children have learned nothing if not to speak their minds.

I am thinking I am going to spend a little time writing here about my children again. If you have any questions about unschooling, I am happy to try to answer. I can share our experiences, at the very least.

Sunday Book Review....

Nah, just kidding. I'm moving my book reviews to my author page. If you've stopped by, check it out. My first novel is now available in both print and as an ebook.

Or... join the Virtual Book Tour... happening now.

Tiger Hunting, by Tracy Million Simmons
When Jeni returns to her childhood home in western Kansas, she never imagines that she'll be hunting a white tiger escaped from the circus or competing with an ape for the affections of the boy she once loved. While she waits for the man she's left behind to notice she's not coming back, she reconnects with her family and works to pick up the pieces of her life. 

Purchase Ebook Edition

Purchase Print Edition

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Tracy Million Simmons takes the reader on a fun romp across the High Plains of southwest Kansas in a hunt for an escaped white tiger. With an engaging story of loss, family expectations, and finding one's way, Simmons shows us that home can be the greatest healer of all.

~ Cheryl Unruh, author & columnist, Flyover People: Life on the Ground in a Rectangular State

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The right amount of magic! 

Tiger Hunting is a winner from the start. Most of us have lost our direction at one time or another. Follow Jeni as her search leads through the most unexpected events around Tracy Million Simmons' own stomping grounds of Dodge City, Kansas. 

This book comes with a wonderful insight (for some of us) into the mysterious way a woman's mind works.) 

I welcome this white tiger to Kansas.

~ Max Yoho, author, Me and Aunt Izzy and The Moon Butter Route

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Tracy Million Simmons writes with heartfelt warmth and humor when she develops her characters and their relationships in this entertaining and delightful story.

~ Gloria Zachgo, author, The Rocking Horse

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Drum roll, please....

I did it.

Or I'm doing it.

Or something like that.

Tracy Million Simmons (author page)

Let it Snow, Let it Snow

I have to admit that having two major snow storms in as many weeks has left me feeling a bit discombobulated. Though I often get a charge from shaking up my routine, when something shakes it up for me I don't always flow as smoothly as I wish I did. Since work and home aren't that far apart, and the whole family tends to be in one place or the other more often than not, it's tempting to just try to maintain the normal rhythms of our life even when area schools are closing or (more significant for hubby) the courthouse closes.

But home is simply a more comfortable place to be when it is grey and cold, or thick and wet as this second bought of snow has been. The ground is white, but shoveling the drive and around the office this round was like cleaning up after the spill of a giant slushie machine. The kids freed up the path to the drain under the street and then we all stood listening to the roar of water beneath us as it rushed away.

We had about 24 hours straight of snow coming down in one form or another. Sometimes I would look out to see giant fluffy flakes. Sometimes it was so wet it was just rain. Only once, about 3am this morning, did it actually look something like a blizzard. I peeked out my window to see nothing but white. As I stared, the snow lessened and the tree at our corner became visible.

Our power has remained on throughout, thank goodness. We brought the cat home from the office just because we worried that she might get cold if things got as bad as they were predicting it might. She spent a few hours hiding beneath the girls' beds, like she'd never been here before, and finally settled down and relaxed about the time they were ready to call it a night. She's a lovable cat who just doesn't understand why her affection is not welcome all hours of the day or night.

Since our dishwasher pump died about the same time the snow started, we've been taking turns washing dishes by hand. Oddly, perhaps because of all the quality lounging at-home time, our kitchen looks better and more tidy than usual. Actually having moments of wondering if the dishwasher is a tool we truly need after all.

I also loaded a bag with all I could imagine I might need to finish up some projects for the market. So I have had some incredibly productive list-ticking time, as well. I had a small build-up of projects that simply needed time free of distractions.

What a Snow Day is Good For... It's Simply Good

I don't know why I still think of it as a snow day; it is simply a day full of snow and for that I am grateful. I mostly took the opportunity to work from home, which I often do anyway. Mostly, I have spent the day being thankful that we have some sort of moisture falling from the sky. It is desperately needed and any form will do. Our whole community must be truly understanding the lack, as I've seen very few complaints about the cold and snow on Facebook today.

 These are early morning photos. When I went to bed last night, it still wasn't snowing and I was beginning to think this was going to be another disappointing hype by the weathermen. I was so pleased to look out this morning and see actual flakes falling. I love the way the flash on the camera lights them up.

We walked downtown to hubby's office today to collect our snow shovels. Cleared the sidewalk in front of and beside the office, then walked back using our snow shovels as walking sticks. Was about a two hour journey. I took my camera, thinking I'd take the opportunity to get some great photos of Emporia under snow, but realized too late that I'd left my memory card in the computer.

It was a very pleasant walk, however, and the kids and hubby took the time to help a couple of stuck cars dig out of the snow. It was fairly quiet downtown, but the folks who were out were friendly and relaxed. Very little wind, so the cold was comfortable even for being out for an extended time.

Our afternoon was filled with lots of snow watching, chocolate cake with coconut/pecan frosting, and cups of hot coffee or chocolate. Now we've got chilly in the crockpot and the snow in the air is growing thick again. I won't even mind having to shovel the snow again tomorrow.

Crazy Making in a Good Way

Tonight an acquaintance said, "I don't know how you spend all day, every day with your children. It would drive me insane. The time I do spend makes me crazy."

I never have a clue how to respond to stuff like this. Laugh it off? Pretend to feel a little crazy, too? Try to explain that I don't necessarily spend every minute of every day... or my theory that spending more time together actually makes it easier to be together (true for husbands and for kids).

My son tried to inject a little levity into the conversation. "Well the truth is, we're just perfect kids," he said.

"It's teamwork, isn't it Bud?" I finally came up with.

He just grinned.

Life isn't always easy, but it's almost always fun.... or at least crazy making in a good way. I really think it all depends on how you look at it.

I see a beautiful, colorful tree. Bonus, it needs no water.